"The woman closest to me is eating Saltines. The sound of her eating makes me want to retch. I wish she would offer me one."

Andrea Askowitz has the best life in the world. She’s pregnant and healthy. She has friends and family who love her. She has money and meaningful work. And all she can do is obsess about the one thing she doesn’t have: Kate, her ex-girlfriend. My Miserable, Lonely, Lesbian Pregnancy is a funny, whiny, all-too-real account of one girl’s true adventure in maternity. From finding a great donor who turns out to be shooting blanks (“I was a lesbian with male fertility problems.”) through all-day morning sickness and graduation into “fat-girl underwear,” Andrea’s life reads like an antidote to sugar-sweet pregnancy guides and memoirs. In week 8, her sense of smell becomes so strong that she can tell what deodorant people are wearing. In week 28, she plans a pity party, complete with black-only dress code and a violin player: “It isn’t an attempt to make fun of myself, because that would be too joyous.” Irreverent and whip-smart, My Miserable, Lonely, Lesbian Pregnancy is potent therapy for ill-timed break-ups, leg cramps, constipation, and every other downside to a dream come true.

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“Andrea Askowitz's brilliant debut memoir is the exact kind of thing I’m always looking for at the bookstore—something that reads like an intimate yet super funny, painfully true letter from my very best friend. Andrea is like a girl version of David Sedaris or Augusten Burroughs, mining perfect comedic moments from the very worst of life’s offerings. You don’t have to be miserable, lonely or a lesbian to completely relate to the hilarious journey that is Andrea’s life.” —Jill Soloway, writer on Six Feet Under

"This is one whiny, bitchy pregnant lady—and you can't help but love her. Askowitz is funny and fearless." —Louise Sloan, author of Knock Yourself Up: A Tell-All Guide to Becoming a Single Mom

“You don’t have to be a miserable, lonely, pregnant lesbian to adore Andrea Askowitz’s awfully funny story. Anyone who enjoys schadenfreude, laugh-out-loud asides, and frank depictions of biological horrors will love this wonderful book. You will read it dog-eared and quote the most outrageous parts at length to all your friends.” —Jennifer Traig, author of Devil in the Details: Scenes from an Obsessive Girlhood

“Hilarious and all too true. After my own miserable lesbian pregnancy, Andrea Askowitz’s confessions cheered me up immeasurably.” —Ariel Gore, author of The Hip Mama Survival Guide

“Andrea Askowitz hits on all the key points of surviving pregnancy as a single lesbian—dealing with donor choices and unreliable exes, coping with hormonal hell and morning sickness, and figuring out exactly what one will need for life with a new baby (and no, a new tent isn’t the best baby registry item!). Mandatory reading for all lesbian mothers to be.” —Rachel Pepper, author of The Ultimate Guide to Pregnancy for Lesbians

“Funny, sad, unblinkingly honest—I would give this one to any pregnant friend and a few who aren’t.”—Joyce Maynard, author of At Home in the World, The Usual Rules, and To Die For

Andrea is “warm, funny and filthy." —Slate.com

"Andrea is the lesbian Annie Lamott. Her book makes me want to donate sperm.” —Taylor Negron, actor

"Askowitz's frank, funny voice should appeal to women of all persuasions." —Kirkus Review

"Finally, an unvarnished account of what happens after your girlfriend leaves and the pregnancy stick turns pink." —The Advocate

My Miserable, Lonely, Lesbian Pregnancy, is the funniest memoir in years, not to mention so upbeat and heartwarming you want to give it to every woman friend you know, pregnant or not." —Shelf Awareness

"Empowered and frightened, Ms. Askowitz paints a vibrant picture of her excitement at being pregnant and her intense loneliness. Throughout her story Ms. Askowitz reveals her deep Jewish roots, values and questions. As much as this story is about the pregnancy it’s also about her own Jewish parenting discovery." —Rabbi Jamie Aklepi, Congregation Bet Breira

Andrea Askowitz is a full time mom, writer and founder of Bike Out, a non-profit created to introduce gay and lesbian inner city kids to the outdoors. She performs and produces the program "Lip Service: True Stories Out Loud" at Books & Books in Coral Gables, Florida.